I'm coming out, I want the world to know....

Last week after checking out my blog, a friend of mine suggested I be a little bit more open with my blogging and reveal more personal information about myself.  I thought about it for a couple days and thought, why hadn't I started to blog with more of a personal touch?  Initially, I believe it was because I didn't want to be reprimanded or even fired from my job for telling cyberspace how I really felt about my coworkers, how I felt what my boss said was stupid or how glad I was not to be at my previous job for one more minute!  Being a former recruiter I know that a person's online lifestyle can certainly prevent or end employment - so that was a road I did not want to go down, I do have bills to pay and a cat to take care of.  But aside from that, I wondered what else was holding me back from opening up?

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a healthy appetite for reality TV.  How selfish and hypocritical am I to salivate over the pitiful teen moms struggling to juggle a baby and get out of high school on 16 and Pregnant, eyeball the crumbling of marriages and financial states of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, New Jersey and Orange County and chuckle at the emotional breakdown of Meatloaf on The Celebrity Apprentice.

Because I do believe there is a tasteful and respectful way to convey my working experiences, have fun and share my point of view, not to mention create fictional character names along the way, I will take my friends advice.  Thanks Karen*! :o)

*Names were changed to protect the identities of the parties depicted in this blog.

6 Go-to phrases for all business women

As women we all have (or should have) our go-to phrases or rebuttals that roll off our tongues to deal with those sticky, awkward, or inconvenient situations in our every day social lives, i.e. 

1. I'm in a relationship (whether you are or not) or, thanks for your interest, but I am not pursuing new relationships at the moment - to deflect unwanted male attention or advances OR
2. Thanks for the invite to ____________ however, I think you would have a better time with someone who has a genuine interest in __________________ - when a coworker, or even a family member or friend asks you to an event, concert, etc that you clearly don't want to attend.

But, the other day I ran across an article on aol.com that shared "Six Phrases Every Working Woman Should Know and Use" by Dr. Lois Frankel who has a book with tips for communicating with impact titled, "Nice Girls Just Don't Get It,"  (I will have to check it out).

As a woman working in corporate America I try to be professional, honest and considerate in my business dealings, but in all candor I can't say that I've have any go-to work phrases other than my elevator and break room talk, which I have down pat!!!

According to Dr. Lois Frankel here are 6 phrases working women need in their back pockets:

1. "Be that as it may, I still would like..."
Dr. Frankel elaborates by saying "Use this to hold your ground with someone who is giving you an excuse for why you can't have what you want. A variation would be, 'I hear what you're saying, and I still would like...'" I like this one alot!

2. "I would be happy to do that for you. Let me tell you __________ [how much it will cost, how much time it will take, how much help I will need, etc.]."
Dr. Frankel explains "Good customer/client service requires you to be willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done - but it doesn't mean you shouldn't ask for what you need to meet the needs of others. Often when you tell them the "cost" of their request, it soon becomes modified."

3. "Thank you. I'm glad you noticed and appreciate the feedback."
Dr. Frankel says "If you have a difficult time accepting a compliment, this is the one for you." Now, this is probably the only one I've used regularly - I do know how to take a compliment!

4. "Although I can't participate at this time, I appreciate your letting me know about it." Dr. Frankel says "This is a nice way to say buzz off, I'm not buying whatever you're selling." This too is a good one that I have to start using.

5. "I'm sure you didn't realize you just cut ahead of me in line."

Dr. Frankel says "You can say this one as you step in front of the offender - best said with a smile." Wow, I'm gonna use this one although not sure how I would use this at work.  I can use this at a restaurant or retail store and hope that a physical altercation does not follow!  Or at work, I could use this to counter those who cut me off in a discussion or if my opinion is discounted.  Yeah - try it that way ladies. 

6. "Although I can't do ________, I can do ____________."

I use this now, giving an alternative of what you can do makes your response of a decline or changing your participation less negative.

So add these to your mental rolodexes ladies!

My mother's work ethic revealed...

As I spend my, at least, 10th Mother's Day away from my own mother, I can't help but reflect on what a great mother I have.  She has taught me so many lessons in life, some intentional and others by default, but one lesson that is fitting for this blog is definitely my mother's work ethic.  While she did not sit me down and tell me, "you go to work on time, you give 110%, if you have to work on the weekends to complete an important project you do it" she instead taught by example.  I saw first hand what it was to follow through on your commitments, go above and beyond the call of duty and let's not forget dress for the job you want, not the one you have. 

I have tried and am still trying to apply my mother's work ethic to all aspects of my life, whether its school, work, because as my mother prepares for her well deserved retirement, I know that it was her work ethic that includes resiliency, determination, independence, respect that has contributed to her being an OUTSTANDING mother!  I know that she taught me oh so well!   

So thank you Mommy, all of my accomplishments are as a result of you!  Happy Mother's Day!

Bullies at work - really?

Wow, I just finished reading an article from last Sunday's Detroit Free Press newspaper about workplace bullying.  I was bullied in elementary school, for no other reason but for being smaller than others, or too quiet or just plain minding my own business.  But those days are long gone for me, but unfortunately not for others.  I couldn't imagine being bullied at work.  I mean come on, I am there to enrich my life, make a difference and make money! 

Ironically in the midst of the massive campaigns against child and teen bullying  and cyber-bullying and violence - the exact same behaviors are occurring in workplaces.  Who would have thought, working parents now have to deal with making sure their kids are not victims of bullying as well as themselves!

According to the article "Bullies at work all too common" a CareerBuilder survey revealed 27% of workers admit to being bullied at work.  This bully behavior included:

• Being harshly criticized
• Being yelled at in front of other colleagues
• Having belittling comments made towards them
• Stealing credit for their work

After reading the article, I thought maybe I did know that these types of things are happening - I can say I have seen this type of behavior happen to others.  I just didn't put it in the bullying category, instead I put it in the a-hole category.  I then wonder are these so called adult bullys, the result of grown up bullies, or the victims of childhood bullies trying to seek retribution for having been bullied?  Who knows.  It's wrong either way.  

If you feel that you are being bullied document all incidents in detail and if feel that you can address the person who is doing the bullying, do so they may not know they are bullying you.  On the other hand, if you can clearly identify that the the person who is bullying you, knows it, doesn't care and dares you to tell someone; Still document the incidents in detail and run not walk to your Human Resources department to seek resolution.

Here are a couple resources available concerning how to handle bullying (child and adult):

• www.stopbullying.gov
• www.bullybusters.org
• www.workplacebullying.org 

   

Your boss is what?

As you know I am currently recruiting for my replacement, which is not a hard task because prior to working in corporate HR job, I was a recruiter and loved it! Being that I am currently doing the job, and have done it for the last four years, it makes it easier to explain the job, give a realistic job view and day to day activities, I can convey what I like most about what I do and what I would change present a visual of the type of team environment exists and even express my growth.  But, how does one communicate the most important detail, the type of boss they would have to work for and their management style, when the boss is a doozie.  And when I say a doozie, I mean demanding, some say crazy, some may say lunatic, bossy, or maniac.  Whatever you call it, to be politically correct, I'll leave it at demanding.  I want to tell the truth and not sugarcoat it, but then again, I don't want to lose a great candidate either.  So what's a girl, who is ready to take on her new job ASAP, to do?

Right, google....I had no choice but to find the right words to use during my interview to be somewhat honest (I know you question the somewhat part, but I can't tell my potential replacement that I want to flip over my boss's  desk at least 3 times a week, or that sometimes, just sometimes I'm asked to work on personal assignments for my boss, when I should really be completing my work-work, I could go on and on, you get the picture). 

What I found was a great article that gave "Five Tips for Making Working for a Demanding Boss Easier.

Tip #1: Get down to business when communicating with your high-maintenance high-performer boss.

Tip #2: Don’t take it personally!

Tip #3: Give your high-maintenance high-performer boss only essential details.

Tip #4: Always approach your high-maintenance high-performer boss with solutions.

Tip #5: Establish a timeline and priority for projects and requests.

Wallah!  After reading over these tips, I realized this was the best way to not only give examples of what it's like to work for my "demanding" boss, but also how to put a positive spin on it and be motivating.  Hopefully it worked ~ I even psyched myself out with these tips. 

Check it out: http://www.imakenews.com/worldwit/e_article000546950.cfm?x=b702vQ6,b4Fj1W2V