Meanie McFeenie

My mom and I used to joke all the time about each of us at times being a "meanie mcfeenie". Basically, being insensitive, nonsupportive or down right sarcastic. I do have a little streak, I must admit and I know it comes from my lack of patience (which I pray everyday, that the trait develops). I do think I get that from my mother, but I have certainly taken it to the next level.  Whoops....
While both my mother and I can be short-fused, we are truly sweet, caring individuals and 9 out of 10 times recognize our overly mean 'tudes and adjust them. Thank goodness for that.
What is interesting is that in the February issue of HR Magazine there is an article titled "Don't be so rude: Quell workplace incivility". Incivility, hmmm, is what I initially thought. So, this is the fancy word for being "mean as hell". I like it.

For some reason, my work ethic does not allow my mean spirit to appear at work. Maybe because my sense of professionalism outweighs my desire and ability to be an "a-hole" between 8 and 5. I do believe there is a time and place for everything, and more so, I care about my professional reputation. In my last job and in my current I've encountered very mean-spirited people. It boggles my mind that people are so rude, and nasty at work. You clearly don't have to and most likely will not like all the people you work with - that's life. However, being cordial and tolerating others is more appropriate workplace behavior.

I've finally moved past the very mean people or those with negative dispositions at my job who stand right next to me in the elevator and wont respond to my hello, or someone not saying excuse me in the break room. I personally have tackled that by avoidance. If I see someone who is routinely mean to me waiting for the elevator, I choose to take the stairs and burn a couple calories instead, or if I choose to ride the elevator I pretend to talk on my cell phone or text. While, my own civility may come into question sometimes when I will push the close button on the elevator doors to prevent the mean person from entering the elevator with me - I'd rather call it meanness averted. Why subject myself to these people, if I don't have to, right?

The HR Magazine article said to prevent this type of toxic environment from forming or going to far, companies need to be clear and communicate the culture of the organization and what type of behavior is acceptable and what won't be tolerated.  We all know the saying, "misery loves company" or "monkey see monkey do" for that matter. Rudeness can be contagious. Just think...one mean girl or guy can start to rub off on the nice people, then you have a company full of mean people and even when you hire nice people they will either quit or turn mean - leaving the company a big pathetic mess.

So here's my two cents:

If you are a leader of an organization, be sure to include in your employee handbook or in your mission statement that "respecting others" also includes being courteous and putting forth your best efforts to present a positive disposition.

If you aren't in a leadership role, remember that you still have the opportunity to influence others, by not falling into the negativity when it comes your way and showing others that while everyday won't be perfect being mean or discourteous won't solve whatever is bringing them down.  My hopes is that the positivity will rub off on them.  If it doesn't, you can always try - avoidance!

Bullies at work - really?

Wow, I just finished reading an article from last Sunday's Detroit Free Press newspaper about workplace bullying.  I was bullied in elementary school, for no other reason but for being smaller than others, or too quiet or just plain minding my own business.  But those days are long gone for me, but unfortunately not for others.  I couldn't imagine being bullied at work.  I mean come on, I am there to enrich my life, make a difference and make money! 

Ironically in the midst of the massive campaigns against child and teen bullying  and cyber-bullying and violence - the exact same behaviors are occurring in workplaces.  Who would have thought, working parents now have to deal with making sure their kids are not victims of bullying as well as themselves!

According to the article "Bullies at work all too common" a CareerBuilder survey revealed 27% of workers admit to being bullied at work.  This bully behavior included:

• Being harshly criticized
• Being yelled at in front of other colleagues
• Having belittling comments made towards them
• Stealing credit for their work

After reading the article, I thought maybe I did know that these types of things are happening - I can say I have seen this type of behavior happen to others.  I just didn't put it in the bullying category, instead I put it in the a-hole category.  I then wonder are these so called adult bullys, the result of grown up bullies, or the victims of childhood bullies trying to seek retribution for having been bullied?  Who knows.  It's wrong either way.  

If you feel that you are being bullied document all incidents in detail and if feel that you can address the person who is doing the bullying, do so they may not know they are bullying you.  On the other hand, if you can clearly identify that the the person who is bullying you, knows it, doesn't care and dares you to tell someone; Still document the incidents in detail and run not walk to your Human Resources department to seek resolution.

Here are a couple resources available concerning how to handle bullying (child and adult):

• www.stopbullying.gov
• www.bullybusters.org
• www.workplacebullying.org 

   

Help me to help you

This week I confirmed that as a "right-hand man" you are required to watch the act of thinking.  In my job, while I am not an assistant by title, I always end up assisting my boss with numerous tasks and projects, making copies, fetching files, and the most fairest of all - watching her think. 

With some internal company restructuring we have a new leader with a different management style, and different needs and priorities.  With this comes more complex projects requiring me to assist my boss on assignments I've never been exposed to before.  This is great news for me, because I now have the opportunity to learn some new skills and interact with other colleagues.  Yea Me!

However, I realized that its not enough to listen to my boss debrief the situation, get educated on the details, retype documents that our predecessors did not save electronically, analyze the next steps based on my perspective as a newcomer to the information, BUT I also must sit in my boss's office and watch her as she thinks of where additional documents may be, who could have possibly signed the missing document, what the calculation on the 19th page of the contract means and so on!!!!!   How do I know that this to is a requirement - because when I position my body to leave her office to return to my desk, she snaps "Wait, give me a minute".  A minute to do what, I ask myself.  While it would be fantastic if my superhuman power was mind reading, I don't possess that skill set and watching someone think is a waste of time if it isn't an active brainstorming session.

At the end of the day, don't ask someone to watch you think, help them to help you accomplish whatever outcome you are looking for by not wasting their time, but telling them what you are trying to achieve, uncover, or make a decision on.  Next, write down the follow up items that need some additional thought and lastly, decide on a time to reconvene once you had the opportunity to actively think and discuss next steps. 

Gracefully Unhelpful

When I sought out clarification on data provided to me in an excel spreadsheet at work today, I realized that sometimes you just aren't able to be helpful. 

This applies to any situation:  You may just not know the answer due to lack of knowledge on the subject, you may be familiar but it's not your expertise and you don't want to commit to an answer, or you may simply be new to a city, neighborhood, company and just clueless altogether.  No one can fault you for not knowing. 

BUT....there is a courteous way to be unhelpful.

Here are a couple of pointers:

1. Don't have an attitude and get irritated that someone had the audacity to ask you something you don't know.  They may not have known you didn't know.
2. If you have a suggestion on who might be able to help - share it. 
3. Don't tell a tall tale just to get the person off your back - it's OK if you don't know and you shouldn't send them down the wrong path trying to make yourself look good.

XOXO Gossip Girl

So today I engaged in some workplace gossip, not trying to, but completely walked into it (which I normally do).  I have a rule to not go seeking out gossip at work.  Unless it is with people I completely trust - which are very few, but in that case we are just trying to stay in the loop of what's going on in the office.

Check out my 5 office gossip rules before you listen if you dare.  (Everyone may have their own, but these work for me!)

1. There are people who just like to stir up the pot.  I will not lie, I like to know what's going on with other people's business, I do.  But you must recognize when someone is being plain hateful or manipulative and trying to add fuel to the fire.  Once recognized - RUN.
2. Stay away from the trouble makers who may make the gossip session look like you started the whole rumor mill - when in fact you were just trying to find your missing fax! 
3. Try to limit or refrain from questions.  Take in the information that is volunteered to you and never inquire further.  This makes you look bad and can work against you. 
4. Stay away from it altogether if you can - stop the perpetrator in their tracks, so that the spewing doesn't even start.
5. If you can not stop it, take in the information, nod or shake your head in good timing and end the conversation telling the gossiper - "Well it'll all work itself out" or "that's too bad" or "maybe it's not as it seems".  All of these responses are very good neutral and deflective responses that can keep you from getting sucked into nonsense.

 

Let's Get Ready to Rumble...

I wanted to put on boxing gloves today and phantom punch an irrational and immature colleague of mine like Ali did Liston.

When I entered into the work world, to my surprise, I found it to eerily resemble high school. There were cliques, unbelievable bad attitudes and the infamous wishy washy behavior, i.e. I'm not talking to you today so we will ride this elevator in silence and I will pass you in the hall numerous times, because I don't like you. Naive me, thought that if you worked in an office, you acted like you had common sense and decency. Boy was I wrong!

Although, I would love to knock out some of my annoying coworkers, www.boston.com offers eight tips to help deal with difficult coworkers. You should probably try those tips and not a TKO.

1. Approach conflict with an open mind
2. Consider what might have caused the conflict
3. Be respectful of differences
4. Try to cut the conflict off in its early stages
5. Listen carefully
6. Be mindful of your language
7. Ask for help
8. Be sure the problem is resolved

At the end of the day.....while ideal, you don't have to like anyone you work with, but you do have to respect them and act in a professional manner.

Click here for the full article: http://www.boston.com/bostonworks/galleries/workplaceconflict?pg=9