Meanie McFeenie

My mom and I used to joke all the time about each of us at times being a "meanie mcfeenie". Basically, being insensitive, nonsupportive or down right sarcastic. I do have a little streak, I must admit and I know it comes from my lack of patience (which I pray everyday, that the trait develops). I do think I get that from my mother, but I have certainly taken it to the next level.  Whoops....
While both my mother and I can be short-fused, we are truly sweet, caring individuals and 9 out of 10 times recognize our overly mean 'tudes and adjust them. Thank goodness for that.
What is interesting is that in the February issue of HR Magazine there is an article titled "Don't be so rude: Quell workplace incivility". Incivility, hmmm, is what I initially thought. So, this is the fancy word for being "mean as hell". I like it.

For some reason, my work ethic does not allow my mean spirit to appear at work. Maybe because my sense of professionalism outweighs my desire and ability to be an "a-hole" between 8 and 5. I do believe there is a time and place for everything, and more so, I care about my professional reputation. In my last job and in my current I've encountered very mean-spirited people. It boggles my mind that people are so rude, and nasty at work. You clearly don't have to and most likely will not like all the people you work with - that's life. However, being cordial and tolerating others is more appropriate workplace behavior.

I've finally moved past the very mean people or those with negative dispositions at my job who stand right next to me in the elevator and wont respond to my hello, or someone not saying excuse me in the break room. I personally have tackled that by avoidance. If I see someone who is routinely mean to me waiting for the elevator, I choose to take the stairs and burn a couple calories instead, or if I choose to ride the elevator I pretend to talk on my cell phone or text. While, my own civility may come into question sometimes when I will push the close button on the elevator doors to prevent the mean person from entering the elevator with me - I'd rather call it meanness averted. Why subject myself to these people, if I don't have to, right?

The HR Magazine article said to prevent this type of toxic environment from forming or going to far, companies need to be clear and communicate the culture of the organization and what type of behavior is acceptable and what won't be tolerated.  We all know the saying, "misery loves company" or "monkey see monkey do" for that matter. Rudeness can be contagious. Just think...one mean girl or guy can start to rub off on the nice people, then you have a company full of mean people and even when you hire nice people they will either quit or turn mean - leaving the company a big pathetic mess.

So here's my two cents:

If you are a leader of an organization, be sure to include in your employee handbook or in your mission statement that "respecting others" also includes being courteous and putting forth your best efforts to present a positive disposition.

If you aren't in a leadership role, remember that you still have the opportunity to influence others, by not falling into the negativity when it comes your way and showing others that while everyday won't be perfect being mean or discourteous won't solve whatever is bringing them down.  My hopes is that the positivity will rub off on them.  If it doesn't, you can always try - avoidance!

No invite for you...it's ok if you don't invite your boss or coworkers to your wedding - no, really

Well guys and gals - my attempt to blog everyday is quite the task and I am not succeeding here.  I am just coming off of a busy weekend (last) both mentally and physically.  Then I did the unthinkable earlier this week and washed my hair and went to bed with it damp so I had to battle what you might call a head cold - I guess. 

Anyway -  last Saturday I attended and worked as a host at my friend's wedding. which was soooo pretty and such a warm heartfelt event.  I still feel very warm inside just thinking about it!  Being a host was more than I thought - a friend of mine did warn me, but I thought how hard could it be....hello sir, this way; good day madam - your seat would be that way.....Uhhhh no - certainly more than that - but all incredibly worth it! 

Moving on - with the bride being both my friend and coworker, I got to thinking is it customary to invite your boss and your colleagues who work in your department to your wedding?  I mean.....I personally wouldn't feel obligated to invite anyone from my job unless I forged a personal relationship or bond with the person or persons and I wanted them there.  Now, of course I was there, and then there were three people who were ex-coworkers from our job, but clearly that makes them friends now, because we no longer work with them.  However, we work in a department of 16 and my friend was advised to not "not invite" a couple of key work personalities, but just as I would have done - she decided to go with those who she is most close with and that only included me and 1 other person (not the boss).  I applauded her for not getting sucked into the office politics.  I mean, where does it end and who made those rules?  What if you were keeping your wedding small and quaint due to being on a strict budget and only wanted close friends and family?  On the other hand even if you were going all out, why should you have to share your special day with a coworker or boss you are only associated with because you work with them? 

Not that I am close to getting married anytime soon - but when I do - my invites to my wedding will include only those close to me and those whom I want there with me to share in a very important and memorable day of my life, not reluctant invitations to work people just to be politically correct (that goes for my hubby to be too!).  Is that politically incorrect???  Maybe to some (like the person who advised my friend to invite her boss) but lots of wedding sites, like www.theknot.com, www.wednet.com and www.savvysugar.com agree with me!

 

RSVP please...

It's 10:36pm and I just finished putting together bridal shower favors for my coworker.  Yes - we not only have work birthday parties, but also bridal parties!  It really is important to support your colleagues and employees; acknowledging events like birthdays, weddings and birth of children is one simple way to show you care and have fun!  Can't wait for my work birthday party...raising the bar right now! :o)

Take a look at the finished product. Hmmmm......side gig??

Bullies at work - really?

Wow, I just finished reading an article from last Sunday's Detroit Free Press newspaper about workplace bullying.  I was bullied in elementary school, for no other reason but for being smaller than others, or too quiet or just plain minding my own business.  But those days are long gone for me, but unfortunately not for others.  I couldn't imagine being bullied at work.  I mean come on, I am there to enrich my life, make a difference and make money! 

Ironically in the midst of the massive campaigns against child and teen bullying  and cyber-bullying and violence - the exact same behaviors are occurring in workplaces.  Who would have thought, working parents now have to deal with making sure their kids are not victims of bullying as well as themselves!

According to the article "Bullies at work all too common" a CareerBuilder survey revealed 27% of workers admit to being bullied at work.  This bully behavior included:

• Being harshly criticized
• Being yelled at in front of other colleagues
• Having belittling comments made towards them
• Stealing credit for their work

After reading the article, I thought maybe I did know that these types of things are happening - I can say I have seen this type of behavior happen to others.  I just didn't put it in the bullying category, instead I put it in the a-hole category.  I then wonder are these so called adult bullys, the result of grown up bullies, or the victims of childhood bullies trying to seek retribution for having been bullied?  Who knows.  It's wrong either way.  

If you feel that you are being bullied document all incidents in detail and if feel that you can address the person who is doing the bullying, do so they may not know they are bullying you.  On the other hand, if you can clearly identify that the the person who is bullying you, knows it, doesn't care and dares you to tell someone; Still document the incidents in detail and run not walk to your Human Resources department to seek resolution.

Here are a couple resources available concerning how to handle bullying (child and adult):

• www.stopbullying.gov
• www.bullybusters.org
• www.workplacebullying.org 

   

What's your name again?

Majority of us have them.  It could be based on our appearance, the shortened version of our name, or even our last name, the city or neighborhood we are from, something a boyfriend or girlfriend has given us, or something we were given from childhood or in our adult life.

YES - a nickname!   How prevalent are nicknames in the workplace I thought, I mean I use them for coworkers and other colleagues and they have been used in dun, dun, dun DUN, not the nicest fashion.  You could say that they are more-so created so that you talk in code about them.  I know its best to not talk about people, hence if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, but it happens sometimes. We all have coworkers who get on our nerves and having to work in such close quarters, nicknames allow you to speak of and vent about them when they are possibly near.

A couple that I utilized over my work history range from the person's last name or initials like "The NAG", or a physical descriptor like "Belly", "Shorty" or even "Red Face".  Now, of course, some may have some nicknames for me that are not that becoming, but I've never heard one yet.... I have been called "Precious" and I like that one!

If you would like to read more about "Nicknames in the Workplace" or if you want to confirm what nicknames you can use in the office or which ones to keep under wraps (inappropriate nicknames can spur lawsuits regarding discrimination!) give google a try.  I found that although I like my office nickname of "Precious" it is inappropriate and shouldn't be used.

Not so happy Monday

So today was the first day of work without my colleague, who resigned and her last day was Friday.  Although she left to go take on a great opportunity, I still wish she was right here beside me cracking jokes, lending me 25 cents for the vending machine and working with me to knock out implementation projects.  We were freakin' rock stars with our team work!

If you've ever made a good friend at work, you would know exactly how my day went - tremendously sad.  Last night I dreaded the fact that I would come into work and not find my BFF in the cubicle next to me.  No one to reciprocate my good morning, no one to recap the weekend, no one to mock our boss with (and this was the most important daily ritual we shared).   

I used to think that the friends I already had (a whopping) were all the friends I needed.  My best friend since 7th grade and then my college girls who double as my sorority sisters.  Yup, 3 that's it.  But boy, was I surprised when 2 years ago, I encountered a new good friend in of all places - WORK. 


Don't underestimate the genuine friendships and relationships that you can develop at work.  You are spending 40 plus hours a week with them, which is more than I am spending currently with my family who all live out of state along with my 3 besties! 

At the end of the day I spoke to my now former colleague, but even better my friend.  She had a great first day and since her new job is less than 3 miles away, I will still get to see her through the week.

Gracefully Unhelpful

When I sought out clarification on data provided to me in an excel spreadsheet at work today, I realized that sometimes you just aren't able to be helpful. 

This applies to any situation:  You may just not know the answer due to lack of knowledge on the subject, you may be familiar but it's not your expertise and you don't want to commit to an answer, or you may simply be new to a city, neighborhood, company and just clueless altogether.  No one can fault you for not knowing. 

BUT....there is a courteous way to be unhelpful.

Here are a couple of pointers:

1. Don't have an attitude and get irritated that someone had the audacity to ask you something you don't know.  They may not have known you didn't know.
2. If you have a suggestion on who might be able to help - share it. 
3. Don't tell a tall tale just to get the person off your back - it's OK if you don't know and you shouldn't send them down the wrong path trying to make yourself look good.

XOXO Gossip Girl

So today I engaged in some workplace gossip, not trying to, but completely walked into it (which I normally do).  I have a rule to not go seeking out gossip at work.  Unless it is with people I completely trust - which are very few, but in that case we are just trying to stay in the loop of what's going on in the office.

Check out my 5 office gossip rules before you listen if you dare.  (Everyone may have their own, but these work for me!)

1. There are people who just like to stir up the pot.  I will not lie, I like to know what's going on with other people's business, I do.  But you must recognize when someone is being plain hateful or manipulative and trying to add fuel to the fire.  Once recognized - RUN.
2. Stay away from the trouble makers who may make the gossip session look like you started the whole rumor mill - when in fact you were just trying to find your missing fax! 
3. Try to limit or refrain from questions.  Take in the information that is volunteered to you and never inquire further.  This makes you look bad and can work against you. 
4. Stay away from it altogether if you can - stop the perpetrator in their tracks, so that the spewing doesn't even start.
5. If you can not stop it, take in the information, nod or shake your head in good timing and end the conversation telling the gossiper - "Well it'll all work itself out" or "that's too bad" or "maybe it's not as it seems".  All of these responses are very good neutral and deflective responses that can keep you from getting sucked into nonsense.

 

Thank Goodness it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday...

It is so funny to me how the attitudes of office workers progress throughout the week. I have memorized the responses to my over the top "Goooood Morrrning" during my 3 floor ride on the elevator each day.

Monday - Ugh - It's Monday...

Tuesday - Is it Friday yet?

Wednesday - It's hump day - we are almost there!

Thursday -Isn't this week going by slow?

Friday -Happy Friday!

I am proposing that those of you who take on this weekly transformation from down in the dumps to on cloud nine, try something different next week. When you enter the elevator, pass someone in the hall, or hold the door for those entering with you, greet them with a Good Morning and a smile. It's really not that hard to do.

No need to share the dark cloud of negativity that hangs over your head with someone else, just because you don't want to be at work. Fake the funk people - Fake - the - funk! Here's why:

A) It's not professional.

B) You don't want anyone going around telling people that you seem like you don't want to be at work - what if that gets back to you manager or the CEO?

C) It's just not healthy. Think of the self fulling prophecy, I think therefore I am. You don't want that attitude to carry through your entire day, better yet the entire week until Friday?

jhjhhlhlh

Remember moods and attitudes can be contagious, so make sure your are passing on the right one.

Accept that "Happy Hour" Invite!

You may not be a drinker, but "Happy Hour" is not only for drinking. Next time your coworkers or boss (if you can stand him or her) invite you out for an after work social session, take them up on their offer. You never know how much you have in common or how much fun you can have interacting with them outside of your office environment.

Exchanging information about upcoming leads or promotion opportunities or collaborating on ideas for future projects is one way to spend the evening. But, if you are lucky like me, you will have bonded with one or two of your colleagues and can spend the evening catching up on the latest movies, fashion and of course MEN! They don't have to turn into your "bestie" but it doesn't hurt to add to your circle of friends or network.